12:12:56 Hi everyone. So thank you for joining us for the Boise wellness mindful teacher educator Lunch and Learn series. I want to thank and welcome Rosemead and NJ, who will be presenting self compassion for teachers.
12:13:11 For those of you who don't know her rose is a registered psychotherapist certified mindfulness facilitator and mentor, corporate mindfulness trainer and therapeutic yoga teacher.
12:13:22 Rose, Rose me and I teaches a very at various centers of mindfulness and other organizations including the University of Toronto and has been are mindful moments facilitator for the past three years.
12:13:33 She also has a private practice and does clinical work in healthcare for staff and patients and trauma informed care and psychotherapy, her focus is on trauma informed care somatic practices including cranial sacred techniques, race based trauma anti
12:13:51 oppression and cultivating greater equity, diversity includes liberty and belonging for marginalized populations.
12:13:59 You may recognize rose Nina as she also offers weekly practices every Thursdays at 12pm for us.
12:14:07 And we're grateful to have you here rows so I'll pass it over to you. Just to remind everyone that we are recording this session. Thanks.
12:14:20 Thank you area it's great to be here. It's actually our usual mindful moments time. And so, but it's great to do something a little bit special for Boise and for teachers for students and staff and faculty of the School.
12:14:36 So, the topic for today is self compassion for teachers, and teachers are in a very special category of care providers in that you have sort of direct access to young people of various ages.
12:14:57 And of course, some of you may teach adults as well. But in general, these are very, sort of, tender impressionable ages, that you work with, and different types of circumstances and environments and so I can only imagine in the, In the aftermath or the
12:15:18 continuation of sort of the pandemic as it were that we've had in the last year and a half or so that that could be even more stressful I've heard a lot about you know the online learning and the classroom sizes and whether we're doing this in person
12:15:37 or not, and all of the precautions that we need to take and for those of you that work with younger people and so on so there's so much going on.
12:15:50 And as for all of us in various sort of helping type professions or caregiving professions, we've been challenged and, over, under resource and sort of overtaxed in terms of our time and energy.
12:16:07 And so this is a real opportunity in exploring mindful self compassion type approach of how can we be with all of this difficulty, and how can we cultivate greater kindness and understanding towards ourselves can be really supportive of reducing caregiving
12:16:31 fatigue that many of us experience.
12:16:35 And so fatigue can show up as irritability, or lack of sleep or poor digestion, or certain health issues, aches and pains in the body, difficulty in relationships.
12:16:57 Perhaps difficulty in engaging in some of the things that bring you joy, or, or support, either because of time or lack of energy, or motivation, so it can show up in many, many ways, including just flat out collapse, just not being able to do much, or
12:17:24 getting ill. So it's really important for us to engage in both self care and self compassion and there is kind of a difference between these and we'll talk about that a little bit more.
12:17:37 In a few moments, but first I'd like to do a very simple practice of soothing and supportive touch, and this is the first informal self compassion practice that will do together.
12:17:52 And before launching into the practice I just want to honor the indigenous land that I'm situated on, and to voice my, my appreciation for the land, and it's peoples of people that have stewarded this land and taken care of it.
12:18:14 and my commitment to to working towards greater inclusion and towards reconciliation and recreation of the harm that's been done to indigenous people and to the land that we live on into the environment to the climate, all of these really important parts
12:18:37 of our lives that affect us you know we get nourishment from this land.
12:18:43 We get support from the land, and so it's really important to also give compassion to the land and to to do what we can to help repair any harm that's been done.
12:18:55 So now I'm going to share with you a soothing and supportive.
12:19:01 Touch practice and we'll begin just by experimenting a little bit with some different gestures. So the first gesture that we will try is placing a hand or both hands on the heart just beginning there, and checking into see what you notice as you do this
12:19:23 you may notice the weight, gentle weight or pressure from the hands on the heart, the chest area.
12:19:35 You may notice warm
12:19:49 ups Something is happening with the breath something is shifted in this part of the body.
12:19:47 for you may not notice anything at all and that's okay too.
12:19:54 Taking a few breaths like this.
12:19:59 And hopefully are also sitting in a comfortable posture,
12:20:13 Doing trying another gesture and this one could be resting your cheek and one hand, or the face, and both hands.
12:20:23 Does you would sometimes, you know, naturally, you're thinking, pondering something at your computer on your desk. Elbows could be on the desk. So, allowing yourself to kind of relax into this gesture, what this feels like
12:20:49 your eyes can be open or closed for this.
12:20:53 Notice, perhaps as you place the weight of your head, in your hands
12:21:01 still allowing yourself to kind of almost like sink into it, but in a relaxed way,
12:21:09 noticing how that feels.
12:21:12 Releasing that and then taking the arms and pressing them over each other and perhaps in a butterfly hug or self hug.
12:21:22 Tapping or rubbing the upper arms or shoulders.
12:21:27 Whatever's available to you just noticing how this feels
12:21:32 giving your arms a gentle squeeze.
12:21:36 Really release another screens and
12:21:43 see what happens with the breath.
12:21:48 Body general sense of how the body feels right now.
12:21:55 And then bringing one hand to the heart and one to the belly,
12:22:00 exploring this.
12:22:08 Whatever you're feeling here have seeing if you can just take it into your awareness without trying to change it or judge it or make a story about it.
12:22:20 It is what it is it's here for whatever reason, it's okay.
12:22:25 Just here to pay attention to notice how it feels to support the body in this way hand on the belly hand on the heart.
12:22:42 And now choosing one of these gestures, maybe one or both hands on the heart or hand on the belly and heart, whatever felt the most supportive for you
12:22:56 all just practice with your hand on my heart
12:23:02 just taking a few moments now in silence to notice how this feels.
12:23:20 new for gesture isn't you're saying, touch isn't particularly something you like to engage in.
12:23:30 And it might be imagining yourself saying a kind word or making a vocalization, like, ah, know there's a challenge.
12:23:46 Now, there's a challenge. You might place your hand on your heart or you might just internally say, Ah, that's what's going on.
12:24:00 Kind voice kind internal voice.
12:24:01 Notice noticing what that feels like
12:24:05 slowly releasing this practice.
12:24:17 And this takes us into kind of the theme and the major topic that I wanted to share in this practice today.
12:24:23 And that is the theme of self care and self compassion so ways to recharge our batteries and turn kindness inwards towards ourselves so they're both considered important in being resilient and looking after our well being, even though we often find these
12:24:42 things difficult for different reasons.
12:24:45 So we're going to do some meditation practices that focus on, compassion, and also want to start to orient you towards activities are things that can help you feel better feel stronger feel more supported to just be with what is, even if it's difficult
12:25:05 to take care of yourself.
12:25:08 When you're resilient seeds of boost.
12:25:11 And so there's
12:25:14 a difference between self care and self compassion, but they are related.
12:25:19 And the idea behind self compassion is that it can be really helpful for alleviating caregiving fatigue. So there's some research that's been done by Paul Gilbert who is a self compassion and positive psychology researcher, and he has found that as mammals.
12:25:40 When we get stressed out.
12:25:43 We have these resources available to us. And these resources can help regulate our nervous system.
12:25:52 Because when we get stressed out we get into like a fight, flight or freeze response, sometimes leading to overwhelm or shutting down or kind of falling apart flipping our lives, any of these things that can happen where we can actually take care of ourselves,
12:26:10 or others.
12:26:12 We sort of lose our perspective our ability to see straight or ability to be motivated and engaged in the way that is most helpful to us and to others.
12:26:24 And, you know, we can even completely burned out.
12:26:29 And so, so compassion practices such as soothing and supportive touch gentle vocalizations these invoke a mammalian caregiving response. And as mammals, as human beings we have this ability to serve others and to soothe ourselves, even though we don't
12:26:50 think of it as soothing ourselves we don't think about doing that much, but we have the ability to do that and that have that affect our nervous system in a positive way.
12:27:02 So doesn't mean that we're going to take away our problems, it doesn't mean that we're going to change society or change our world, or change the inequities that are there or the issues that we see, but it does mean that is going to give us a bit of a
12:27:16 break and a pause in order to regroup to kind of center ourselves ground ourselves so that we can approach the next moment with greater calm greater clarity, greater support, having given us given ourselves the support that we need.
12:27:37 And so often when we think about self compassion.
12:27:41 You know certain ideas come to mind so I'm just going to ask you can share out loud or pop it into the chat, those that are here.
12:27:49 What comes to mind when I say self compassion. What do you think about.
12:27:59 So for me, self compassion is.
12:28:03 I get very overwhelmed I also always have a very full plate so self compassion would be almost forgiving myself, if I'm not able to get everything done and understanding like I can't be all things all the time so just be kinder to myself and not put so
12:28:20 much pressure on myself.
12:28:22 Yeah, that's great so self compassion can look like forgiving myself being kinder, not expecting myself to be perfect, allowing this humanity to come through right being areas sharing, being a friend to myself.
12:28:41 Exactly. How can I be kinder, more accepting more understanding of myself. These are not things that were necessarily taught in our society, and especially for those of us in caregiving type situations where we're caring for others, helping others to
12:28:57 learn and grow. We really need to have resources for ourselves in order to be able to do that fully in the way that we would like to do it.
12:29:09 And so when I say self care. What arises self care, as opposed to self compassion or they're related they're not mutually exclusive, but they're a little different,
12:29:25 pop it into the chat, if you like, or it's the voice.
12:29:29 I guess doing things that are specifically for me, for my own well being for my own mental health, and not for me, it could be for other people but not forgetting that it should be for me as well.
12:29:46 Yeah, exactly. So that could include anything right it could include taking time out to go for a walk to exercise to get a massage to do whatever your, you need for your body and mind.
12:30:03 Barry says paying attention to what I need exactly so that's more of that self care, and the two are related. However, self care takes a little bit of extra time and energy self compassion takes different kind of energy, and it can be done in the moment
12:30:22 so just like you know we did with these this practice we did earlier this soothing and supportive touch. In the midst of a conversation in the midst of teaching or marking a paper or whatever it is that you need to do planning something.
12:30:38 When you feel your body, getting kind of agitated, your mind getting agitated. When you feel this kind of arising of fight, flight or freeze response.
12:30:55 You can, as long as you're aware, you can just place the hand on the heart, and so everything's getting heightened rising, rising, and then you place the hand on the heart, or other gesture that you might take and then all of a sudden everything just,
12:31:05 just for that moment drops.
12:31:09 And then even right now as I'm describing this my breath just got deeper and I felt my breath in my belly, which is like called belly breathing, but I didn't, I didn't even intentionally do this it just happened.
12:31:23 And so that is one way, you know through that soothing supportive tension doesn't take any extra time. It's an attitude it's a turning towards itself cultivation and that's really what we're doing here, returning towards ourselves in a way that maybe
12:31:40 we haven't done before.
12:31:44 So often we have a reaction to self compassion, we think that selfish, or I'm going to just be nice to myself, and then that's going to take me off the hook for all the things that I need to do.
12:31:58 And this actually sounds like maybe a critical parent, or someone that you know, you may have had in your life, telling you if you don't work hard, you're going to fail.
12:32:10 And so it's it's fine it's great to work hard, it's good to be engaged. However, if we are constantly expecting ourselves to be perfect and expecting ourselves to never make a mistake or fail, and being hard on ourselves when that happens, then that's
12:32:29 going to turn into a problem, it's going to show up in our health, it's going to show up in our thinking in our energy in our patients for ourselves, as well as others.
12:32:41 This is sort of the beginnings of burnout. So this inner critic, or the self criticism that happens around this. So these are, these approaches or these reactions to self compassion, or like the myths of self compassion that's how they're referred to
12:32:59 in the literature.
12:33:01 Kristin Neff talks about them a lot there in her book.
12:33:05 And that's Kristin Neff and Christopher Girma who I studied with when I studied self compassion and I've been using it ever since and began teaching it as well, because it's so powerful because it's something that spoke to me.
12:33:19 It's something that I saw I saw as missing in everything else that I had studied and engaged with.
12:33:28 It could be as simple as you know there's construction noise in my background and the thought comes to me, I'm worried what if they're hearing this construction noise, and I hope it's not too disturbing.
12:33:39 But then, you know, I don't have control over it.
12:33:55 So what am I going to do, am I gonna sit here and maybe berate myself for not planning this better or not trying to find a quiet space, which I did try to find or am I just going to accept that this is part of my reality right now.
12:33:59 I can't control it, it's something that's happening. It's difficult for me.
12:34:04 I can acknowledge it. And right away. It takes away the power of that difficult thing, that just happened and sure enough the sound just stopped so it's not, it's not going on all the time.
12:34:16 There's breaks in the sound. So just like life things happening and knife this can happen.
12:34:23 So, self compassion includes some aspects that are very important. I'm going to put them here in the chat and I'll say them out loud.
12:34:36 So, one aspect is mindfulness.
12:34:49 And there's self kindness.
12:34:43 And there's connectedness, or common humanity.
12:34:49 Depending on which resonates more with you.
12:34:52 So mindfulness.
12:34:55 This involves recognizing when we are stressed when we are struggling when we are suffering, without being judgmental, or overreacting.
12:35:04 making it you know this is about me This is my problem. Yeah.
12:35:10 Self kindness is about being supportive and understanding, just like Allison shared earlier being supportive and understanding towards ourselves.
12:35:19 When we're having a hard time rather than being harshly self critical, our tendency tends to be towards self criticism.
12:35:30 I could say naturally but it's not really natural. It's conditioned.
12:35:34 It's something that comes from society, it's something that has been ingrained in us that's that we've been taught implicitly or explicitly. It can be cultural it can be familiar.
12:35:46 For those of us who are racialized or marginalized in some way. This can be part of what we needed to do or what our parents thought they needed to do in order to keep us safe.
12:35:59 Right, so we kind of combine it quite honestly, in that, you know, we don't seek this out, but it's a way that is conditioned into ourselves into our psyche.
12:36:11 And so what we need to try to do to help ourselves is to turn the attention, even in a small way.
12:36:18 But repeatedly frequently, so that we can build these new habits and cultivate these new ways of looking at things looking at ourselves looking at the world doesn't mean we're going to change what's not right in the world, but it does mean that we are
12:36:36 going to be better equipped to manage what is happening to be with what's happening to address it respond to it. And to know our limits, and to seek help when we need help, you know sometimes we think we can do everything.
12:36:51 I don't do it, nobody else will do it who's going to do it right.
12:36:54 So that sort of perfectionist and all encompassing kind of mentality of it's all up to me, can start to kind of dissipate a little bit when you start to be a little bit more understanding, this is hard for me, maybe I do need help.
12:37:09 Maybe I need therapy maybe I need a friend, a colleague, someone who I can turn to for support and guidance and health.
12:37:22 That's human that's you, owning up to your humanity. And so, 78% of people are harder on themselves, then on their friends when making mistakes. This is a study that was done 78%.
12:37:34 That's a pretty high percent.
12:37:36 So, no.
12:37:40 Often people claim when they're not hard on themselves in their self talk.
12:37:47 That's what happens. They, they may fail, they may become demotivated. And so they think they need to be hard on themselves, or, you know, can they accept.
12:38:04 If they fail or mess up these people who can accept.
12:38:09 If they fail and learn from their mistakes treated as a learning experience, are those people who aren't as tough on themselves.
12:38:17 They have actually been shown to do better than those who are really hard on themselves regular thing relationships in self care in their physiology.
12:38:33 Their resiliency, their ability to kind of be with whatever's here.
12:38:38 So it's the opposite it's kind of counter intuitive.
12:38:42 So I'd like to now share another practice with you. And this practice kind of really encompasses these aspects of self compassion mindfulness self kindness and connectedness.
12:38:57 And it's a brief practice it's an informal practice includes soothing and supportive touch that you can take it away and do it, you know, whenever you need to in your everyday life.
12:39:10 You can pick one part of it, you can take all the parts do it in a minute in three minutes, 30 seconds, whatever.
12:39:19 So I'm going to invite you to close your eyes fully or partially, and just find a comfortable seated posture.
12:39:30 Really, settling into this posture.
12:39:34 And then I'm going to invite you to think of a situation in your life that is difficult, and causing you stress.
12:39:43 This is the self compassion break exercise.
12:39:48 When you think of this situation. It could be a health problem. an important relationship or problem there.
12:40:05 Just as best you can, for the sake of learning this exercise. Choose a problem that is mild to moderate so on a scale of one to 1010 being the most difficult.
12:40:24 Choose something around a two or three, just so that you can feel the stress and know that the stress is there, but it doesn't overwhelm you don't choose the most difficult problem you have to something that's manageable.
12:40:33 You don't want to overwhelm ourselves.
12:40:35 When we're learning these tools because then learning is really hard when we're overwhelmed.
12:40:41 Okay.
12:40:43 So, allowing yourself to see and hear and feel your way into this problem, to the extent that you experienced some uneasiness in the body.
12:40:53 Where do you feel it the most making contact with the discomfort that you feel in your body.
12:41:05 In once you've tapped into that feeling of identified it.
12:41:10 Just letting it be as it is no need to change it.
12:41:13 You might say to yourself slowly and clearly this is a moment of suffering.
12:41:21 That's mindfulness that first step, mindfulness.
12:41:25 Three might say, This hurts, or out, this doesn't feel good.
12:41:30 Like this.
12:41:35 And then you can say to yourself again slowly and clearly suffering is a part of living.
12:41:43 Stress is a part of life.
12:41:46 That's common humanity, or connectedness and other options include I'm not alone. Me to others in my community would feel similarly, as I do right now in this situation, not alone.
12:42:09 Now using supportive touch, putting your hands over your heart, or wherever it feels supportive, or maybe it's an image of support, or felt sense, what does support feel like, perhaps feeling the warmth of your hands and saying to yourself.
12:42:28 May I be kind to myself.
12:42:31 May I give myself what I need.
12:42:37 That's self kindness.
12:42:39 Perhaps saying to yourself, what quality of self compassion, do I need right now is it Yin, or Yang Yin being the softer quality. Yang being more fear stronger boundary setting.
12:42:54 So human language might be me I accept myself as I am.
12:43:00 Me I care for myself, tenderly, as I need this moment, and the Yang language might be No I will not allow myself to be harmed in this way.
12:43:25 Noticing even when you say those words softness, or the strength that arises from saying the words, you might feel in the body.
12:43:39 And there's no requirement to feel anything at all.
12:43:44 This is a practice.
12:43:47 And if you're having difficulty finding the right words, imagine that a dear friend or loved one is having the same problem is you.
12:43:55 What would you say to them.
12:43:58 Heart to Heart without giving advice.
12:44:00 And if your friend were to hold just a few of your words in their mind.
12:44:06 Would you like those words to be word could be a gesture an image, a felt sense. Would you like that to be.
12:44:15 What message would you like to deliver.
12:44:23 Then, What message might you deliver to yourself.
12:44:29 Maybe, saying that same message to yourself, even if it feels a little strange, saying that same message to yourself I'm here for you.
12:44:40 May you be well find ease
12:44:46 forgive you.
12:44:50 Your human, whatever that is.
12:44:57 Now releasing this practice was returning back to the body.
12:45:03 Sitting in this posture the body breathing, taking a few slow full breaths at your own pace.
12:45:14 And slowly, opening the eyes, releasing the practice opening the eyes are closed.
12:45:29 So I'll give you a moment to kind of settle in your own experience, maybe savor the experience or reflect on how that was for you.
12:46:03 And we can take some time now. If anyone would like to share out loud or in the chat.
12:49:49 There's a recording, this is on the recording but also I believe we've done this practice before and there should be a recording on the wellness site.
12:50:00 Under mindful moments or you can go to my, my page and you can find it there.
12:50:05 So, yeah, it's it's
12:50:11 so often the feedback that we get from this type of practice the self compassion break which encompasses the three aspects of self compassion. Mindfulness self kindness and connectedness, we can sort of tease it apart and can take, take it away.
12:50:31 As an informal mindfulness practice and so we have the core recording available at this session for anyone that wants to check it out. Go to Rosina monkey calm I have some recordings there that you'll find Kristin Neff and Christopher grammar also have
12:50:49 websites and all of all of us who share these practices have some aspect of this self compassion break practice as a resource.
12:51:02 So it's a really important practice and it's, you know, some of the feedback is that when we actually acknowledge the level of suffering or difficulty we're experiencing already that can feel empowering or, like, like release, or like an opportunity to
12:51:21 then be kind to ourselves in the next moment because already then returning towards ourselves with self kindness and understanding, as opposed to being hard on ourselves for not living up to whatever we feel we should be living up to its already That's
12:51:41 It's already that's turning towards ourselves with compassion, and it can be felt in the body. It can be felt in, in the sense of how we are with others.
12:51:53 Perhaps what we're allowing ourselves, and I allowing myself. Just a bit of time and space to breathe.
12:52:01 And my acknowledging, you know the difficulty that I'm facing.
12:52:07 Also, it could be a really powerful and useful practice and you can take it apart, or do it as a whole.
12:52:17 So that's a really powerful tool that comes out of self compassion.
12:52:22 I'd like to close now with another brief practice that we can do together here in this is a loving kindness meditation practice and we can kind of end our session with the loving kindness meditation, perhaps as a way to kind of dedicate this practice
12:52:42 to everyone who's here, everyone who's listening in on the recording later.
12:53:05 Anyone who really needs this right now to get include ourselves and just, you know, for showing up for being interested for registering for signing up, even if you weren't able to make it just recognizing that there's something in you something that sparked
12:53:07 you to be interested in this, there was a recognition of the need of an interest, and that needs to be honored. That's the first step, really.
12:53:16 And so, to share kind of the benefits of these practices we've done today, as well as kind of introduced this concept of loving kindness meditation, which is not necessarily necessarily going to lead to feeling anything in particular but it can help us
12:53:36 to just kind of turn our attention towards kindness and compassion, in a way, again using words but it could be with an image or a felt sense.
12:53:47 So I'm going to invite everyone to just come into a comfortable alert seated posture.
12:53:55 And if you wanted to do this at home or later you could do it lying down standing whatever walking, even is totally fine as a walking meditation, becoming aware of your body as a tear breathing abreast of the rhythm of the breath flowing in and out of
12:54:15 the body.
12:54:17 Feeling the feet on the floor,
12:54:20 and then bringing attention to the heart center that area of the chest.
12:54:27 Maybe even placing a hand there, supportive
12:54:36 and then bringing to mind someone you care about, and you wish well friend pet mentor.
12:54:46 spiritual figure, author, someone you admire.
12:54:55 And then also including yourself some aspect of yourself that you admire, where you as you are just because just because you're human, just because you've suffered just because you to deserve some compassion.
12:55:15 Slowly inviting in everyone in this community in your communities that you engage in those you know those who don't know,
12:55:28 family, friends, strangers neighbors shopkeepers animals entire planet.
12:55:55 And then silently repeating these words word maybe an image of kindness and compassion or maybe a felt sense.
12:55:55 May all beings including me, including my loved ones, including everyone.
12:56:02 May all beings be happy.
12:56:06 May all beings be safe and protected from harm
12:56:13 May all beings live with ease and kindness.
12:56:21 May all beings be happy.
12:56:25 May all beings be safe and protected from harm.
12:56:38 May all beings be happy.
12:56:41 May all beings be safe and protected from harm.
12:56:46 May all beings live with ease and kindness.
12:56:55 Letting go of the words image the felt sense and returning back to the sense of breathing in the body sensations.
12:57:05 Perhaps a hand on the heart sensations in the heart center.
12:57:11 And just taking a few breaths at your own pace.
12:57:34 And then slowly releasing the practice opening the eyes if they're closed, bringing the attention back into our space.
12:57:47 So happy to hear any thoughts, comments reflections.
12:57:55 But we can officially kind of close the practice maybe stop the recording.